i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So squirting runs in the family.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
