Plan B is the new Plan A
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
