we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
