have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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