Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
