I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
