Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
