Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
