the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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