K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
