I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
