I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
