so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
