hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
