She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
