Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
