No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
