Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
