White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
