Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
