You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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