I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
