She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize