I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want to be your penis for a week.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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