You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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