Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
