mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
