i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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