Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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