hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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