i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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