Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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