Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
two words...techno handjob
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
