i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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