i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
