I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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