anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
