Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
