I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
