I faked an abortion last night.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
