Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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