I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
