C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
