6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
