I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
