She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
