She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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