so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
