I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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