i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
