Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
