oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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