I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
