I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
