she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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