i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
