your room smells of hookers.
And success
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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