You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
