That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
