Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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