Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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