I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
