Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
