So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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