i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
