you guys were way drunker than both of me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
