I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
