yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
