Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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