i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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