Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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