I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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