the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
