i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
