and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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