The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
