So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize