I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
