what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
