Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
