after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
