Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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