he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
