this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
