He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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