I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
