he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
