Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
