I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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