We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
