it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We left the knife in your bed.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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