but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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