i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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