The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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