Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
