why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
