your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
